Most of my 14 years as a mother have felt like spending Mother's Day alone, including a few years when I was married.
Every year, as the second Sunday of May approaches, I think of the women I have been there for through many parts of my mommy journey: scared,
alone, and jealous of mothers who have a supportive partner at home .
This year I wrote a letter to every single mother today who is struggling to celebrate herself and feels inferior to the other families she sees.
When the flowers don't come, when there's no "thank you," when no one posts our picture, I want us to remember where our gift really belongs.
For our children this is life and this love is enough. So we can raise our glasses.
Maybe you got up a little earlier today to give yourself the gift of solitude. At the end of the day, there is no one there to interfere. It is exhausting.
It may take a few minutes for the feeling of inadequacy to arise. You'll be reminded of all the things you can't do without ever seeing everything you have.
You wonder how a single-parent home will affect your children, who will be gone in just a few moments.
Then the day starts like any other day.
Flowers may have been waiting for you. There may be no flowers at all. You may find crumpled Mother's Day art in your kids' backpacks today,
but they may not know that there should be something to celebrate.
You will prepare every meal, answer every request, create every moment, wipe every tear, and calm every fear. But your wishes are not fulfilled,
your moments last 60 seconds at a time, your tears are wiped away with your own hands,
and your fears are always hanging in the air.
You are the creator of all the good you see.
As you host your children tonight, you will witness your gifts.
Maybe there was nothing on the table this morning, you may have cleaned the house and cooked every meal,
but the room is quiet. There is joy on their faces. There is a tangible love that gives security like the blanket wrapped around their feet.
Your family is not inferior.
You are enough. Your children know it, and one day someone else will know it too.
But it has to start with you.
My son felt left behind: What children with autistic siblings want to know from you.
Your married friend may also be having problems
Single mothers should know that married mothers are not necessarily better supported. Sure,
they may have flowers, but just like you, they've learned to water themselves.
There were Mother's Days when I just felt hollow. There were flowers, photos,
dinner and lots of hugs, but it masked a darker reality. Presence does not equal support. Lonely does not mean alone.
Knowing that I was “enough” led me back to singleness and back to the mother
I’ve always been. So appreciate where you are and never trade your peace for support.
Know yourself and celebrate this day.
Last year, I bought myself a bouquet of wildflowers, and this year, I bought myself a few.
My gift is this home I've created and the peace I feel at night. Sure, it may be a little messy, but it is far from inferior.
When I release my kids into the world, they will take this love that they've been given and begin planting it in places of their own,
definitely better than if they had grown up in our broken two-parent home.
Yet I know that you, like me, may have a desire to share your life with someone. Just make sure that they are a seer too,
a seer of your worth and your "enoughness," on more than just this special day.
